


Of Buff Butlers and Canapés

by thesleepingsatellite



Category: Glee
Genre: Community: klainewedding, Ensemble Cast, Fluff, M/M, Stag Nights & Bachelor Parties
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-11
Updated: 2013-05-11
Packaged: 2017-12-11 12:50:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/798924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesleepingsatellite/pseuds/thesleepingsatellite
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rachel throws Kurt a by-the-numbers Bachelor party. Featuring half-naked butlers, all naked performers, lots of alcohol and the gold pants of hotness, but no Blaine, and as the night goes on, it is Blaine that Kurt is missing the most.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of Buff Butlers and Canapés

**Author's Note:**

  * For [swallowthewhale](https://archiveofourown.org/users/swallowthewhale/gifts).



> Written for [swallowthewhale](http://archiveofourown.org/users/swallowthewhale) as part of the [Klaine Wedding Mini-Bang exchange](http://klainewedding.livejournal.com/). The show [Naked Boys Singing](http://www.nakedboyssinging.com/) is a real thing, but sadly I have not seen it. Maybe one day. :)

Kurt turned to lean against the wall beside the entrance to his apartment building, a fond smile on his face. 

"I can't tell you how great it was to spend time with you tonight. I've barely had a minute to catch my breath. You know how the last few weeks before a wedding can be. I feel like I've been juggling chainsaws lately."

"Well, you can thank my manager for the pleasure of my company," Mercedes said with a grin. "If he hadn't booked me some studio time here this week, I wouldn't have been able to make it here until the day before your wedding."

"Oh, I'll be sure to send him a cupcake basket." Kurt pushed himself off the wall, and gestured toward the door. "Do you want to come in for a bit before you head back to your hotel? I've got a lovely Gewürztraminer chilling in the fridge and I just downloaded the new Emma Watson movie, if you want to watch it."

"I'd love to," Mercedes said, linking her arm with Kurt's as he swiped the key card to his building and pushed the door open. "I barely get a chance to go see movies any more, I'm working so hard."

"It'll all be worth it, though-"

"-when the album goes Top 40," they finished together.

Mercedes turned to look at Kurt. "I know it’ll be worth it, but I just really miss having a life, which is why it means so much to me to be able to spend time with you this weekend."

"It'll be even more worth it with that wine and a pint of Ben and Jerry's," Kurt exclaimed as he led her into the elevator, punching the button for the floor that his and Blaine's apartment was on. "Blaine's probably still out with Wes. He said not to wait up."

"Oh yeah?" Mercedes said, looking up from her phone.

"Yeah. Wes always seems so uptight, but you'd be surprised at the kind of mischief that he can get into." He gestured at Mercedes phone, which had recaptured her attention. "No phones allowed on the wine and ice cream date, by the way."

She looked up and grinned at him. "Just touching base with my manager."

"Mmm hmm," Kurt hummed as the elevator chimed its arrival at his floor. "More like, touching base with whatever hot man you have on the side right now. You still haven't told me who you're bringing to the wedding."

"You know I haven't decided yet!" 

"Well, you better figure out which of your men you're bringing soon, it's only a few weeks away!"

"I know!" Mercedes said with a sigh, pausing outside Kurt's door. "I'm so excited. Kurt, you're getting married!"

"Legally!" Kurt's voice rang out in the hall, before he continued in lower tones. "And it's going to be everything I ever dreamed, complete with white doves, and though Rachel persuaded me not to feed them glitter the wedding is still going to be fabulous. I'm so glad you're going to be there to share it with me."

"Damn right I will be," Mercedes said with a decisive nod. "Now, you said something about some wine?"

"Right," Kurt said, unlocking the door to his darkened apartment. He opened it, flicked the light switch just inside the door, took one step inside and immediately noticed a table full of food that wasn't there when he'd left, several bunches of balloons that definitely hadn’t been there, a tacky metallic banner and the tops of several heads sticking up from behind his couch. He had a split-second to process this before the owners of those heads sprang up from behind the sofa, causing him to jump out of his skin.

" _OH!_ " he shouted at the same time the group yelled "SURPRISE" in loud and cacophonous tones. He was accosted by his friends who emerged from behind the sofa, from around corners, from underneath tables and behind curtains. He saw friends from high school and his graduating class at NYADA, as well as Isabelle - and, was that Chase Madison? - their faces alight with glee, gathering around him as he tried to catch his breath.

"Oh my god!" He said, holding his hand to his heaving chest as he looked from one smiling face to another. "You guys!" He turned to Mercedes to find a wide grin on her face. "Mercedes! You knew about this!"

"I sure did! It was my job to get you out of the apartment while they set up, but Rachel planned it all. Now get in there and enjoy your Bachelor Party! It's going to be a wild night!"

"That's right," Rachel said, emerging from the crowd to link her arm with Kurt’s. "I spent weeks planning it, and we have a full agenda for the evening."

"Agenda?" 

"Yes!" Rachel bounced on the spot, clapping her hands together like an over excited seal. "First, we'll have some food and drinks here, and play some games like Pin the Hose on the Fireman. And then after that, we all have tickets for Naked Boys Singing, you know the-"

 

"Oh!" Kurt flapped his hands excitedly. "The Off-Broadway show with the naked boys singing? Rachel, I'm shocked! But, also excited!" he said, nodding.

"And I'm bringing my camera with us so I can take pictures of you going beet red when the clothes come off."

"You wouldn't-"

"I would! I won't put them on Facebook, don't worry-"

"She’s lying," Santana said, sauntering toward them. "She’s totally going to put them on Facebook. And if she doesn’t, I will."

"Satan-" Kurt said in a warning tone.

"Or maybe I’ll just save it as really great blackmail material," Santana said, bopping her head from side to side with a wide, showy grin on her face.

"You’re lucky you’re one of my best friends you know, I wouldn’t let just anybody get away with this," Kurt chided.

"I know!" Santana said, her expression becoming more genuine and affectionate. "And we’re going to have a great night tonight, Lady Hummel. If you’re not completely scandalized by the end of it, then we’ve done something wrong."

"Anyway," Rachel continued, "after the show we're going to one of the hottest nightclubs in town to dance the night away!"

"That sure sounds great," Finn said, coming up behind Kurt to sling an arm around his shoulders. "Especially the part about the naked dudes singing."

"Finn," Rachel said primly. "May I remind you that you did have the option of attending Blaine's party tonight, but you chose to go to this one, with the Naked Boys Singing. So no complaints," she said, slapping his arm lightly. "Or else you won't get that special treat I promised you later," she finished with the least subtle wink she could manage. 

"Wait," Kurt interrupted. "Blaine's having a Bachelor party tonight as well? I thought he was just out with Wes-"

"Nah, dude," Finn said. "Wes, Tina, Sam and some other people are taking him to do paintball and then to a strip club or something, and trust me, I'd rather see naked dudes just singing instead of stripping and doing body rolls, you know? Besides," he tightened his arm around Kurt's shoulders. "You're my little brother-"

"-still two months older than you-"

"-and nothing would make me miss your Bachelor party. Not even naked dudes."

"I love you, too, Finn." Kurt said fondly, turning to Rachel, who was practically vibrating. "And you too, Rachel. I couldn't ask for a better brother, or a better best friend. Thank you for doing this, you guys!"

"Of course!" Rachel enveloped him in as large a hug as her tiny arms would allow. "I'm so happy I get to do this for you," she said, wiping away a stray tear. "I've been dreaming of throwing an amazing bachelorette party for my best friend since I was a preteen, when I didn't even have a best friend. And now I have one, and it's you, and I know that some of it's a bit over the top-"

"It is a little," Kurt nodded as he surveyed the room, looking at the excessive and gaudy decorations, the dick shaped name tags stuck to the guests clothes, the dick ring toss on the coffee table ,the buffet full of artfully arranged food, complete with rainbow coloured fruit kebabs and dick-shaped cake with pink frosting and - oh my god – chocolate sprinkles for pubic hair. It was all slightly crass and more appropriate for a Bachelorette than a Bachelor party, but Rachel had done this for him, and that fact alone made it wonderful. "And it's perfect," he finished as Rachel flung her arms around his shoulders and squealed. 

"I'm so glad you love it," Rachel squealed, hugging him once more. 

When Rachel pulled away, Kurt was startled as a muscular half-naked man he'd never met before appeared at his elbow bearing a champagne flute and a tray of hors d'oeuvres.

"Your champagne, sir," the man said, handing the glass to Kurt. "Would you care for a canapé?"

"Oh," Kurt said, a dazed smile coming across his features as his eyes flitted from Rachel to the man's abs before settling on the tray of food. "Don't mind if I do."

Rachel let loose a low whistle as the man moved away to serve the rest of the guests.

"You hired a half-naked waiter?"

"A Buff Butler," Rachel said with a nod, her eyes fixed on the man's leather-clad behind. "You like him?"

"I do," Kurt said breathily. "I really, really do."

"Yay! Now, let's go and greet your guests," Rachel said, linking their arms together as they turned to face the room.

\---

Two hours and five drinks with dirty names later, Kurt found himself blindfolded, being spun around in a circle by at least four pairs of hands. Once he felt his brain start to swim in his head, the hands let go of him and gave him a gentle push. He stumbled forward to where he figured the poster of the fireman would be, and tripped over his own feet before righting himself to the sound of laughter.

"Yeah Lady Lips," Santana's raucous voice rang out. "Just a little to the left. Oh, you got it, Prancy Smurf, just forward a little, right there, baby. Oh yeah, that's right-" She called, her voice becoming a lewd catcall amidst the cheers and laughter. 

Kurt's face burned as he stumbled forward, pink paper hose in hand, doing his best to follow Santana's direction; as unreliable as it was, she was the only person actually helping him with this task. His fingers hit the wall, and he breathed a sigh of relief as he stuck the hose against the surface. He pushed his blindfold up to discover that he'd pinned the fireman's hose to his forehead.

"Awww. Better luck next time, Hummel." Santana shrugged and pulled the blindfold off his head. He smoothed his hair back into place and retreated to the side of the room as she waved the bright red piece of satin, calling out "NEXT!"

"Oh me," called Bernard front he side of the room. "Watch and learn," he threw in Kurt's direction as Santana tied the blindfold tightly around his head. Kurt snorted when Bernard pinned the hose right on the fireman's crotch. 

"Of course he gets it," he murmured to Mercedes, who'd appeared at his side. "He hasn't been given enough alcohol in an hour to make Lindsay Lohan topple over. And I guarantee you he's had a lot of practice if you know what I mean."

Mercedes scrutinized him. "Why are you friends with him anyway?" 

"We're not, exactly," Kurt said. Truthfully, he was surprised to see Bernard here. Though had gotten to know Bernard closer during their years at NYADA together, he had always preferred to keep Bernard at arm’s reach . "More frenemies, you know? Besides, he was always a great gossip pipeline at NYADA. He was the one who broke the news of our engagement to the rest of the school. He's worse than Jacob Ben Israel ever was, except he has better fashion sense." Kurt paused to take a sip of his Fuzzy Navel. "Oh look, Finn's trying-"

"Oh my god," Mercedes said, covering her mouth as she stifled a laugh. "I need to get a picture of this-" She dug her phone out of her bag and snapped some photos as Finn stumbled forward, placing the paper hose in exactly the right spot. "He's surprisingly good at that."

"Mmm," Kurt said, turning his phone over and over in his hands. He wondered what Blaine was doing at that moment. Were they out watching strippers? And why had he and Blaine never done that together? Kurt was vaguely jealous that the first time Blaine went to a strip club was without him. He turned his head toward Mercedes and the world tilted strangely. "What do you think Blaine's doing right now? Think I can call him?"

"Uh-uh, no," Mercedes said, taking Kurt's phone out of his hand. "One of the cardinal rules of bachelor parties is that the groom-to-be does not try to contact his significant other."

"But it just feels strange to host a party here without him and-"

"No, Kurt."

"But I-"

"Hell to the no!" Mercedes said. "You let your future husband have fun at his Bachelor party, and I'll make sure that you have fun at yours, okay?"

"Okay," Kurt said, pouting as he crossed his arms across his chest. "When we left the planning up to Wes and Rachel we were kind of hoping that they'd plan something for the both of us, together."

"Come on, Kurt," Santana said, plopping herself down on the sofa beside Kurt. "I know you two are like co-dependent gay Winklevoss twins and that you can't function away from each other, but you really deserve to have a good time tonight."

The sound of a fork hitting a crystal glass rang out across the room. Slowly, the group quieted down and turned their attention toward Rachel.

"Alright, everybody!" Rachel's voice rang out across the room. "Almost time to head out to the show! I’ve ordered some cabs and they’ll be here in ten minutes. We're on a schedule tonight, people!"

"That's right ladies and gays," Santana chimed in. "Let's help Kurt here celebrate the end of his single days in style-"

"-by going to see Naked Boys Singing!" Rachel finished to the sounds of cheers and hollers. She turned to Kurt and said in a stage whisper, "Do you still have those gold pants?"

Kurt furrowed his brow. "Yeah, they’re in the back of my closet-"

"Let’s go put them on you," Rachel said, grabbing Kurt by the wrist and pulling him toward the bedroom. She closed the door behind them before moving to riffle through the closet. "That fitted black shirt you have on should go nicely– ah-ha!" 

She turned to him, brandishing the shiny pants. "Put them on!"

"Okay, okay, just turn around!" He said, fluttering his hand at her. "Nobody gets to see the family jewels but Blaine."

"Fine," she said. She turned to face the corner and put her hands over her eyes for good measure. "Spoilsport."

Kurt pushed his jeans down his legs, barely managing to avoid falling over when they pooled around his ankles. Gracelessly, he sat down on the bed, cursing his lack of coordination under the influence, and started to tug the gold pants on. "At least I wore briefs tonight, don’t have to worry about changing those," he snorted.

"Or, you could just take them off-" Rachel said hopefully.

"Rachel Berry!" 

"Those pants are um, very flattering, you know-"

"One more word and I’m putting the jeans back on!"

"Okay, okay, I’ll be quiet," Rachel said, giggling. 

"Alright, I’m ready," Kurt said, fumbling with the button at the top of his fly. 

Rachel turned around and her eyes widened as she surveyed him from head to toe. "Okay spin. Let’s see the back." He spun before, catching the wall when a wave of drunken dizziness swept over him. 

Rachel let out a low wolf whistle. "Kurt, you’re going to have to beat all the men off with a stick tonight!"

"Don’t need all the men," Kurt said wistfully as he braced his hand on the dresser, leaning a little too close to the mirror as he fixed his hair. "Just need one."

There was a knock on the door. "Cabs are here!" Santana called. "Get your asses downstairs!"

The group filed out of the apartment and into the waiting cabs. Kurt found himself sandwiched in between Finn and Rachel in the back of a cab as Rachel chattered on excitedly about the show.

"I hear it's really not that sexual, you know, it's more just like Glee club was, only all guys and with no clothes. You shouldn't feel awkward at all about it, Finn. And if you want to you can just cover your eyes the whole time, just like this," she paused, placing her hands over her eyes. "Just like that, cover your eyes. And then you won't have to see a thing if you don't want to."

Kurt looked at Finn and saw that he was gritting his teeth together. 

"It's okay, Finn, you don't have to come if you don't want to. I understand."

"No!" Finn turned to Kurt with a tight grin on his face. "I'll be okay, really! I'll just think of it as being like the locker room after football practice, except with singing."

"That's the spirit!" Rachel said, reaching across Kurt to pat Finn's arm soothingly. "Just like that!"

"I just wish Blaine could be here to see it with me," Kurt said forlornly.

"Oh trust me," Rachel replied. "He'll be seeing enough naked men tonight, so he's not missing out on anything."

Kurt managed a wan smile. It wasn't that he felt Blaine was missing out because he wasn't going to see the show. Kurt felt like he himself was missing out because he didn't get to see the show with Blaine. It'd be the kind of thing he'd love. 

\---

"So that wasn't as bad as I was expecting."

Kurt turned to look at Finn, who was walking beside him. The show had let out a short while ago, and since the theatre was nearby the club where they’d be spending the rest of the night, they’d decided to walk rather than take a cab. Up ahead, Rachel, Santana and Mercedes were wobbling in their heels as they led the group through the Meatpacking district to their destination. 

"Oh no?" Kurt asked, arching his eyebrow.

"Okay, it totally helps that I had a lot to drink before we left, and I mean _a lot_ , but nah, man. Didn’t have to cover my eyes at all. It really wasn’t that different from the locker room."

"Oh I know. Of course, it didn’t hurt that they even sang about awkward locker room experiences, " Kurt flushed, remembering his short stint on McKinley's football team, and how left out of locker room camaraderie he’d felt, which made the awkwardness of being naked in the locker room so much worse than he’d anticipated. "When they sang that song about how being the shy, awkward kid in a locker room full of jocks I could really relate, you know?" He looked up at Finn. "Or, well, I guess not in your case."

"No, but it was cool, man, I that song about being caught with your junk out is something that's happened to everyone, right?" 

"Tell me about it. Word of advice," he said, lowering his voice so that he wouldn't be over heard. "Don't ever, ever live with Santana if you want a modicum of privacy. That girl does not believe in the sanctity of closed doors or pulled curtains, let me tell you."

"Hey guys," Rachel called over her shoulder before she spun around on her toes to face the rest of the group. "This is it," she said, spinning once more to gesture to a building that featured a red metal awning and a long, long line-up of people waiting to get in. 

"Allow me," Isabelle said, sashaying from the rear of the group to the club’s entrance to speak in low tones with the doorman. 

"Kurt, man," Finn said, his eyebrows drawn together. "Isn't the line-up awfully long? I dunno if we're going to get in."

"Oh, don't worry-" Kurt began before Rachel interrupted.

"Isabelle called ahead and had us put on the guest-list, " Rachel continued, gesturing for the group to follow her when Isabelle waved them forward.

"See, no problem!" Kurt smiled up at Finn before following Rachel into the place, strutting like he owned it. 

"Not just on the guest list," Isabelle continued as she linked an arm through Kurt’s as they followed the hostess through the neon-lit club. "We have a table reserved, with a couple of bottles waiting for us." 

"You didn’t have to do that," Kurt said, hugging Isabelle’s arm closer. 

"Of course I did," she said, turning to smile up at him at they arrived at their table. "Because it’s you. I would never have thought that I’d become such close friends with a kid half my age, but there we have it. You’ve done so much to encourage me to follow my dreams of starting my own line, and I don’t think I would be have done that if it weren’t for you. It's been so amazing to watch you grow up since I met you, and now you're getting married! So it’s the least I could do to thank you for your friendship."

"Thank you," Kurt said, feeling tears begin to well in his eyes as he pulled her into a tight hug. When he sniffled, Isabelle pulled back and gently slapped his arm. 

"None of that!" She said. "Tonight is for celebrating. Now let’s get you a drink!"

\---

On the dance floor, the music was so loud that it was all that he could hear. He wasn’t really able to hear his friends when they tried to talk to him, but Kurt decided that talking was overrated anyway, especially since he could just _move_ and just lose himself to the beat that pulsed through his body. Closing his eyes, he brought his hands over his head and swung his hips in tight circles, enjoying the play of the strobe light against his eyelids. 

He was having an amazing night, even though the gold pants acted as lure for every gay man in the club, and he still wasn’t used to that kind of attention. Luckily, he was able to easily dispatch most of them by holding up the hand that bore his engagement ring and chiming "Sorry, getting married!". So, unwanted attention aside, he was having a great time. His friends were with him, pressed in close around him as they danced and threw their arms around him at random intervals to press messy, drunk kisses to his cheeks. The only thing that would have made this night perfect was if Blaine could have shared it with him.

In need of a break, he turned to yell into Rachel’s ear, "I need water. I’ll be right back." She turned to him and nodded.

"Get me one?" She yelled back.

He gave a thumbs up before pushing his way through the close press of bodies, moving toward the nearest bar. He leaned against the shiny back surface of the bar top, and tried and failed to get the bartender’s attention before becoming frustrated that he had gone himself instead of sending Rachel. He leaned forward to look down the length of the bar to where the bartender was busy serving a huge group of girls before pulling back with a sigh. 

A pair of hands grasped his hips, yanking them back a little bit. Kurt tensed when a body pressed itself against his back, cursing Rachel again for making him wear the goddamn gold pants. He gritted his teeth and turned within the man’s grasp, feeling the hands trail against his body possessively. He held up his hand bearing the ring, ready to ward his potential suitor off and instead he found himself face-to-face with his Husband-To-Be.

"Blaine!" he cried, throwing his arms around Blaine. "Oh my god, what are you doing here?"

"It’s my Bachelor Party!" Blaine said, throwing his hands up in the air and sounding only slightly intoxicated.

"Mine too!" Kurt said, pawing at Blaine’s shirt. It was a nice one, made of soft, red material that Kurt really, really loved to touch. "I’m having such a great time, are you having a great time?"

"I’m having such a great time," Blaine parroted. Kurt’s eyes fluttered closed when Blaine leaned in to press a kiss to Kurt’s lips, smelling like beer and the cologne that Kurt had given him for his last birthday. Kurt hummed in appreciation, relaxing against the bar when Blaine crowded closer to kiss him thoroughly. Blaine broke away with a smack, and they stared at each other for a second before a wide smile broke on Blaine’s features and he said, "I can’t believe you’re here!"

"Oh my god, I know," Kurt said, nuzzling his face against Blaine’s. "Do you think they planned it that way?"

Blaine shook his head. "Noooope. We left the strip club early and came here instead." He turned to look over his shoulder for a minute, scanning the crowd before returning his attention to Kurt. "Where’s everybody else?"

"I dunno." Kurt shrugged, gesturing to the dance floor. "Over there somewhere. I came for water. I’m hot."

"Yeah, you really are," Blaine said, his eyes sparkling. 

"Charmer," Kurt said, pulling Blaine in for a kiss. 

When Blaine broke away, he stared up into Kurt’s eyes with a dreamy half-drunk expression. "This is so great. Did you know they were doing this tonight?"

"No," Kurt shook his head.

"Me either," Blaine said. "We have such great friends Kurt, so great."

"We do." Kurt said, pressing another kiss to Blaine’s lips. "Even if Rachel did plan my party as though she was using a checklist of things to do at a Bachelorette Party, it’s been so, so fun. So what did you do tonight?"

"Oh, so many things! Went for dinner at this gourmet pizza place and had a lot of beer-"

"Yeah I can smell that-"

Blaine’s eyebrows drew together, and he shrugged. "Not like you’ve been going easy tonight either, Mr. I –can’t-stop-slurring-my-words Hummel."

"Heeey, I can too!" Kurt exclaimed, smacking Blaine’s shoulder and swaying on his feet slightly. "Anyway, enough about me. Tell me what else you did! I want to hear all about it."

"Okay, so we did some paintball, and then there were strippers!" 

Kurt cocked his head. "At the paintball? Wouldn’t that get a little messy?"

"No, dummy," Blaine shook his head and smiled. "We went to a strip club. With all men dancing, no women, which is great, because I just don’t think that’s for me, though I think some of the guys might have liked that."

Kurt laughed, leaning forward and holding on to Blaine for balance. "How were the strippers?"

"They were really hot," Blaine said, and then he paused, his gaze becoming heated. "But not as hot as you."

"Oh no?" Kurt said coquettishly.

"No. Not anywhere close. Especially not in those pants," Blaine said, leaning in to kiss Kurt deeply. "You know what they do to me. I could see you in from clear across the dance floor. Your ass was like a beacon-"

Without warning, Blaine jumped in Kurt’s embrace when fingers tapped none-too-gently on his shoulder.

"Can you guys move, maybe get a room or something? Some of us want some drinks!" 

Kurt tore his lips away from Blaine’s to look over his shoulder to see an annoyed woman with her hand on her hips. He rolled his eyes at her, but grasped Blaine’s hand to lead him away from the bar to a small alcove that was sheltered from view from the rest of the club. Blaine crowded toward him, pressing his hips against Kurt’s, and watched as he traced a path down Kurt’s chest with his index finger. When he reached Kurt’s stomach, Blaine’s gaze flicked up to meet Kurt’s own eyes.

"Did I mention you look really, really sexy tonight?" Blaine said with the kind of sultry grin that Kurt knew was reserved for Kurt alone.

"You did," Kurt said, preening. "But you can tell me again."

Blaine ground his hips against Kurt, and when Kurt felt Blaine’s cock, now hard, press against his own, a bolt of heady arousal shot up Kurt’s spine. "You, Kurt Hummel," Blaine said in a low voice. "Are the hottest guy in this club, and it is taking every ounce of my willpower not to drag you to a bathroom stall and ravish you right now."

Kurt’s eyes fell upon the entrance to the men’s room, visible just a short distance beyond Blaine’s shoulder. He turned back to Blaine and leaned in to whisper into the shell of his ear: "So, why don’t you?"

\---

 

Kurt stumbled out of the men’s room ahead of Blaine, turning to press a final kiss to Blaine’s now reddened and well-used lips. He knew his own lips looked very much the same – they hadn’t been gentle with each other, and it showed.

"See you at home? We’ll go for round two?" Kurt asked with a sly grin.

Blaine wrapped his hand behind Kurt’s head, pulling him in for another deep kiss. "You know it, hot stuff," he murmured against Kurt’s lips, his stubble scratching against Kurt’s already abused skin. 

Their fingers trailed against each other as they parted ways, headed to opposite ends of the club. Strangely, though both Bachelor Parties had ended up at the same place, neither group knew that the other was here, which gave them the opportunity for a bit of fun at Wes and Rachel’s expense.

Kurt spotted a group of his friends at a bar across the club, and strutted through the crowd to reach them, walking with a swing to his hips that hadn’t been there before. 

"I’m back," he declared, looping an arm around Rachel’s shoulders as he leaned into the group.

"Kurt! You took so long," Rachel said, turning to him. "I was- _oh my god what’s on your neck, is that a hickey_?"

"What?" Kurt said, feigning bewilderment as he stroked the still-sensitive spot on his neck. He knew what it looked like - he’d checked it out in the mirror when he and Blaine had emerged from the bathroom stall, all rumpled and flushed. "You mean this?"

"Uh, yeah," Mercedes said. "That huge bruise on your neck! Tell me you didn’t mess around with some random just because they liked your gold pants!"

"Well, these pants do really do make my ass look fabulous-" Kurt said, craning his neck to check it out himself.

"-among other things-" Rachel interjected. 

"-can’t say I blame them," Kurt said, smirking as he leaned against the bar. "But yes, Mercedes. To answer your question, I just got ravished by a really, really hot guy back in the men's room, and it was _amazing_."

His friends erupted around him. 

"Kurt, that’s not like you-"

"What happened to nobody gets to see the family jewels but Blaine?"

"I know it’s your bachelor party, but oh my god-"

"I’d hit it-"

"You get down with your bad self, Kurt," Santana said. "But what are you going to do if the Hobbit ever finds out? He might throw you out of the Shire-" 

"Right?" Rachel added, sidling closer to Kurt and dropping her voice. "I mean, look at Bernard over there, it’s obvious that he overheard us and you know what he’s like."

Kurt looked down the end of the bar to Bernard, who was watching them with a dropped jaw and widened eyes. Kurt gave a little wave, and Bernard quickly whipped out his phone and started tapping away at it. 

"Somehow I don’t think Blaine’s going to mind," Kurt said, turning back to Rachel.

"Wanky, " Santana said, as Finn joined them, looking shell-shocked. 

"Dude," Finn said, looking straight at Kurt.

"Hmm?" Kurt turned to Finn with an indulgent smile. 

"Dude, seriously," Finn continued. "Next time you and Blaine decide to mess around in public, can you please, please check to make sure I’m not around? No amount of brain bleach is going to erase that." 

Kurt's jaw dropped. "You were there? You heard? Oh my god-"

"Uh, yeah, I really did, and I really didn't want to," Finn rubbed his eyes. "So Blaine's party ended up here, too?"

"It did?" Rachel looked from Finn to Kurt with wide eyes. "Blaine’s here?"

"Okay," Kurt relented, trying his best to look contrite. "Yes. He’s here. They came here after the strip club. We ran into each other at the bar, and then we hooked up in the men's room. I always wanted to do that," he finished, feeling strangely proud of himself.

"Shoulda known you wouldn’t cheat on your man, boo," Mercedes said, throwing an arm around him to hug him close. 

"But you’re not supposed to see your spouse-to-be at the Bachelor Party, it’s bad luck!" Rachel exclaimed looking distraught. 

"Maybe for you," Kurt quipped, "But for me it brought nothing but good things. Good, good things," he said, slouching against the bar. "Oh my god, I can’t believe I had sex with Blaine in a bar."

"That’s freaking awesome," Santana said, holding her hand up for a high five. Kurt slapped at her hand weakly. 

"Best bachelor party ever," Kurt declared.

"With the best friends ever," Rachel said, opening her arms wide. "Group hug!"

His friends crowded inward and Kurt was sandwiched between Mercedes and Rachel as they all leaned against each other, drunk, sweaty and happy. 

"This was a good night," Kurt said.

"The best night!" Rachel exclaimed.

"It was freaking awesome," Santana said. "Now let’s get more alcohol!"

//end


End file.
